What not to say to a yoga teacher

You can't be ill: you're a yoga teacher!'

Yes, I've failed, haven't I? I've succumbed to a cold, notwithstanding that over the last couple of weeks in my classes we've been focusing on getting the inner fire going and boosting the immune system. How stupid do I feel!

I've done all the self-help stuff: bowls of steam, neti pot, Lion Breath, but it's no good: I've had to reach for the Beechams. Goodness knows what's in those little magic pills (actually it's paracetamol, phenylephrine and caffeine), but they start to take effect within 20 minutes. Marvellous.

Other things not to say to a yoga teacher include:

• 'I didn't know you drank beer.'
• 'Aren't you vegan?'
• 'Fancy you liking rock music.'

Yogis are people, too.