Sweet dreams

The trouble with being asleep is that you don't know what your body is going to do while you're not paying attention. It could emit all manner of noises.

I like my students to relax at the end of a class, but I always warn them that while it's OK to nod off I will wake them up if they start to snore. Despite what you might be thinking, it's actually quite rare for someone to go off so soundly that they don't wake themselves up with a surprise snuffle. Occasionally, though, there is a persistent rumble and it's not always easy to decide where it's coming from. I can tiptoe around the room getting as close as I dare to my yoga corpses, but just when I think I've located the culprit a snort will erupt behind me. Most disconcerting.

Usually a discreet stroke of the foot with my pen is enough to disturb the guilty party. Occasionally, though, I have to resort to a gentle shake of the shoulder. Best response to date came from a chap who was totally out of it, and as I roused him he brushed my hand away and said: 'All right, I'm coming, darling.'

And relax.